ACT ONE
Not content with life, Our Old Submariner Jim Francis finds it tedious without my Mum who scarpered from the house 'cause he had driven her mad , what with him having re-mortgaged the jointly owned property at 8 South Parade Peterborough and his nagging about moving to the Caymans... and WHT NOT yoooos are askin??
He wanted to be rich and famous now, in his last few years on this Planet ... Zooot Allors!!!!!!!!!!!...NOW was the time for the financial masterstroke, a veritable 'coup de grace' and thus he (Dad) became 'A LEGEND IN HIS OWN LUNCHTIME' (as his Doctor said to someone I know) and was awarded the much coveted Honoooour de Legion de Honeur 'Dinky Toy Collector of the Year 1995'
ACT TOOO
NOW.....OTHER members of Le La Daveese (French branch of the family) needed money too - and were asking for finanical help to raise their little ducklings before their Dad (who couldn't keep a regoolar job and didn't have much looook with the Bookies, (let's call him 'Bob Le Constructeur') gassed the liitle cherubs and threw them body and man into the River Nene. THIS , we told Bobby, IS NOT allowed, evun in ye' Peterborough mate !! Despite MOST THINGS bein' allowed 'ere - the more crimunul the better me duck..., BUT THIS AIN'T
Thus it befell upon Dad, JIM Francis XVIII, to save us all!
Right me gob wacked Peterboro' Mates, lendest me yer ears!!!
Northern Rock and a local Solicitor were pleased to assist, and me Mum meekly signed the application. The clever Old Submariner? - HE'D got all the CASH, she got nowt! (she didn't have a choice she said, she had been harangued 'til she felt constrained to scribble her monika on the old parchment
My dear old Pa, (God bless him and keep him Amen) , Ernesto James, was rich now (some £35,000 in bullion in the vaults at Lloyds), he didn't bloody care now did he. Looyds gave him 20 cheque books to scribble on. Why not? He started frantically 'phoning Argos, Matlin, John Lewis, Sainsbuy, Tesco, and every other retailer north of the equator and near enough for a taxi to collect the swag, and began his famous Dinky toy and effin' useless Swiss Cuckoooo clock collection.
(This, in its entirety is to be left to PeterBruff City Fathers and the Newly Refurbished Museum when he chokes, drowns, or joins the Death Defyin' Sinson Parachute Club,.... or of course is killed off by the family with Anadin overdoses
HOPE IS INTRODUCED NOW, THANK GOD... ACT FREE
See, there's ALWAYS, a positive side to everything if yooos look for it.. ent there Bobby Boy?
The old Submariner didn't give Mum a penny of it. Just as he had refused to give her twopence from Great Grandad's bequests when that ££££ came his way.
Oh dear I hear you say..
Yes, oh dear indeed.
'There's no fool like an OLD FOOL' ent it? ( Jeff Chaucer, The Canterbutty Tablets
Not content with squandering the house, the proceeds of the second mortgage from Northern
Rock, he lives on today and May God protect him, me, and the rest of my family from his own Tomfoolery. Amin to that too!..
ACT XXXVVVI - MANAGING MOONEY IN THSE AUSTERE DAYS
The Financial Times and much Investment advice is
emailed to him daily... he listens to nobody but the infamoos Stock Broker and Property Developer Calligula, borrows money from me, takes the mickey and laughs a lot at the sweet liitle Davoose ducklings, and is generally Barking and East Cheam MAD.
ACTS OF FOLLEY THEY ARE pARTS XXIV88.1
AND....CONCLUDING PSALM AND LESSON
Nick Nack Paddy Wack though - IN PETERBOROUGH WE'RE ALL MAD, IT'S AN ABSURDITY BUT IT'S TROOOO- THOUGH (caveats he) ......SOCIAL SERVICES DO NOT AGREE - SO THERE,
IT REALLY MUST BE TRUE THEN, that confirms it
Wot ?!!!
I haven't a clue mate, sorry
This artykul is Copyright - SpikeIslandRadio- Peterborough 2013
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